Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
