So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pants are for mortals
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
