She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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