foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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