You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
