Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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