The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
