dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
