not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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