Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
