what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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