I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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