All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We had to coat check the pizza.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
