So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
