I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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