everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
