I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
