Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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