i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
