New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize