I just gift wrapped bread.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
