Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
40s are totally the cure
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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