he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
