dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
