So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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