I'm so fucking centered right now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
