I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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