yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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