Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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