She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize