On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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