So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
