elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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