The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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