you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
