So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
