Sorry, I don't speak sober.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
