I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
