he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
