so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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