I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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