I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
