I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
