He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
