1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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