Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
