last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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