I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
