this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
