White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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