nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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