Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
