He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
