i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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