"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
