Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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