last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
