Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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