I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
