Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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