hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
