Sry I called you an 8
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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