i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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