YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
