I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
