broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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