She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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