No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
