I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
