Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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