Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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