i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
