The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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