the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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