Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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