Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize